I want to be REAL.

I want to be REAL. I want to be me. I am not the 'me' I was 3 1/2 years ago but, I think so often I want to forget who I was or the things I have done...but, that is what makes me who I am.

I guess this has been bothering me but, I don't know people who 'have no problems' and people who believe that they need to have it all under control or have it all figured out. I believe that THAT is what makes us human; our past, or our hurts, or our struggles. Maybe it bothers me because I don't have it all together or because I still hurt. Maybe it is because I know that they don't have it all together and I want them to just tell me what is wrong, or even if they didn't tell me, but they stopped pretending that everything was ok; that they acted human for a little bit.

I guess my conclusion after looking into this and struggling with it, I feel like I should be real with people; if I am happy be happy, if I am hurting I am allowed to hurt, Just be REAL. My roommate and I have talked a lot about being real and genuine and loving people and being open with people; but how much is too much? Are there things I can or should tell certain people and not others?! I think so; but how do I know what is ok and what is not ok???

So, I think that my final thought is that in order to be real with people, I need to be real with God. I think we as Christians so often put up fronts, like everything is good..but it isn't always; I think if I am real with God and show Him how I really feel, because He knows anyway...it will be easier and I think I will be able to discern what is ok to share and what is too much and if I allow God to be my filter and go to Him first it will just make life a bit easier on me...and I won't have to put on a face...I don't want to do that anymore; I don't want to hide behind a sad and lonely life nor do I want to have to put on a happy face for others.

I want to be REAL.
Real with God.
Real with people.